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Recently I was given the opportunity to photoshoot a very special girl, for a very special reason. Although it may have seemed at first as a challenge for me and for her to photograph a bare face and a delicate, bruised body-- both consequences of her illness and quimiotheraphy, in the end it all resulted in the most beautiful session I've yet produced, capturing the very essence of an exposed soul.
A few months back, I lost a friend to cancer. Everything seemed to be going perfectly well with quimio, Marcela was the strongest, most optimistic and faithful person I had ever seen fighting the battle. However, it seems like God knew best and His will was done-- He wanted her to keep praising Him up close, with Him. I had already become familiar and close to cancer a couple years back, when one of my aunts was diagnosed with a delicate type. For our whole family, living the process with her was harsh and scary, but God was merciful and remained faithful. Gone through cancer and multiple surgeries in the cervical spine, my aunt is a blessed survivor. So, I will never understand all the why's of my friend who had it different, but I know those are answers I will never get. Even when you're no stranger to cancer-- be it because you've had it yourself, you know someone who's fighting it, or a friend or family member of yours is or was ill, you're never ever prepared for the shock of losing someone to it.
My friend's passing was brutal and painful for us who were left here without her, and I personally had many regrets about her after the loss. I still do. She battled with cancer for long months, and although I was always looking after her Facebook posts, where she continuously shared her journey through long statuses and photos, I never brought myself to visit her, send her a private message, or give her a call for that matter. Let her know I was rooting for her, caring about it all, praying for her. She was my friend, for God's sake! and I never got to say how much I admired her optimism through it all, and let her know she'd made a difference in my life during High School. I didn't see her much in College, but there's memories I never forget. I never let her know that.
It was shortly after Marcela's passing that I found out about Nicole and how she had been recently diagnosed with a different type of cancer. I knew of Nicole from friends we have in common, so I was heartfelt to know she was beginning to fight the hard battle. I started following her blog "La Vida en Violeta" and soon enough I felt a tug in my heart to let her know I was there for her. I didn't really know her, she wasn't my friend, but somehow I wanted to feel like one for her. I don't know if it was about Marcela, about my aunt, or if I was simply moved by her story, but I sent Nicole a Facebook message and I let her know what my heart felt. She responded kindly and thankful, and I continued to follow her journey online. I've admired her openness and positivism and how her story has captivated thousands of people who have or don't have cancer themselves.
A couple weeks ago I was thrilled to receive a message from Nicole, saying she wanted my help. By now I think you know it didn't take me much to accept. She told me how she felt ready to show herself in her most vulnerable state, exposing herself in photos with no makeup-- something she'd been "hiding" under throughout her whole cancer battle. To be honest, I felt privileged to be the one she wanted to do this with. I was aware that she's been working with well-known professional photographers, not only at this time but even before she became sick, because she's been a local model. Having her being interested in me capturing her most delicate self, I was humbled but also very excited. We agreed on a date for the shoot almost immediately.
At first we were going to shoot the pictures at her best friend Alexandra's house, as we were looking for something very natural and relaxed. However, Alexandra suggested we try an outdoor shoot at a special spot she wanted to use. This meant adventuring in a little road trip to an old hacienda, just about 15 mins from the city. We went for the outdoor adventure. The shoot was iconic from the start, full of laughs, car 'stealing', crossing rivers, unexpected white, furry visitors, mosquitos and ant bites. It was super fun! Except the ant bites. But that part is one of those things you go through as a photographer to try and get the perfect shot.
I have to say again, the final result of the whole shoot was a gratifying thing. As I was working in post-production I found myself falling in love with every color, expression, and detail of both Nicole and the picture perfect location. I always pour out so much of my heart in every picture I make, and there's much of that in this shoot. But mostly, I've been able to see God's own beauty in a face and body he's perfectly sculpted, and that we so desperately always want to add more to. Nicole may have lost her hair and new bags under her eyes may have appeared because of her illness, but these pictures represent more than that. They show what God has created and granted to happen in Nicole and her life, and what He allowed me to see.
At last, I invite you all to read Nicole's "La Vida en Violeta" latest blog post 'Expuesta', where she finally opens up about her feelings towards her body's changes, the hair loss, and looking at herself in the mirror the way she now looks: no makeup, no photographic retouch, and finally, more vulnerable than ever. READ IT HERE.
